Saturday, October 22, 2011

Friday Night Lites Cx

So last Friday after work i ventured up to a local cx race in Wauconda, IL to see how well my form and fitness for cx racing had improved. I was very excited due to the fact that we would be racing at nite under lites and also by using our own lites as well on certain parts of the cx course. I did a pretty decent warm up around the course and on a nice lil gravel road that ran along the course. After warming up i went over to see my friends at SRAM NRS to shoot the shit and check the recommendations on my tire psi. I was pleasantly surprised when i was presented with the offer of racing their Zipp 404 CX wheels...This was just simply an offer i couldn't refuse. At this point i went from regular race mode pumped to super excited to be rolling on premium carbon rims pumped. Having this now in my arsenal i was feeling a little more confident despite knowing i was in for a probable beating....

RACE START...Off we went in a sprint for the first corner trying to grab the holeshot...I came into the corner in 3rd place...I was pretty thrilled, not going to lie. After about 1/4 of a lap and i was in a small selection of about 6 riders as we started to pull away from the rest of the group slowly. The course was wicked fast which made it emulate a criterium instead of a cx race. We had a shortened course for the Friday nite race which was merely a preview to the main event on Saturday. It contained no barriers but only the flyover which was featured in both days of racing...

Now back to the race...After the first lap i was showing my true form and losing ground on the group i was in and the riders behind me were closing in quickly. After being passed by about 3 riders i latched on to one of the guys who had just passed me. We went around the tight corners leading up to the flyover and went over together and completed the next portion of the course which led us under the bridge through tunnel and into an wet off camber section. At the end of that section the course jogged downhill and made a 90 degree left turn. As we were approaching it i was feathering the brakes so i could keep max speed through the slick corner when the worst happened. The guy in front of me who was wearing a Main St Bicycles jersey ate shit in the wet corner and i had no where to go but on my ass with him. Dammit. I knew this was coming. Not to mention i landed on the shoulder i wiped out on at the OUISSSCXC race in DeKalb, IL. Now i was really screwed. I was already losing ground and then i crashed on a previous injury and aggravated it again.

Here we go again...Get up i thought to myself...You have to get back on your bike and keep going...And so i did, but not before getting passed by several people while i was on the ground. I got up soldiered on and chased but with no avail i caught nobody and made up no ground finishing exactly in the same position i was in when i got up off the ground. Briefly after the race finished i packed up my gear, dropped my awesome fast wheels back off with the folks at SRAM and hit the road. When i arrived home i realized that i had somehow lost my cell phone charger when i was changing my clothes on the front seat with the door open...Dammit again....Better luck next time...Maybe tomorrow at the ABD Cycling Cx race in Bartlett, IL. See ya

Haha Vampires

Monday, October 10, 2011


Here is a shot from yesterdays CX Race and a link to another one...

This photo courtesy of Ed White

And here is a link to an intense action shot on the singletrack climb where i was offered beer on every ascent...

Here He Comes, Here Come Speed "RAYCER"

This post has been long overdue and now it is time to finally celebrate the birth of my first child.
Raycer Paxton Metz is a miracle in mine and my wifes lives. He was born at 8 lbs 4 oz on September 19th @3:23 pm. He was born with a full head of hair and makes a lot of different looks...Ferrari, Le Tigre, Blue Steel and Magnum as seen below...

Look at all this awesome hair...Rockin out already...

Pretty Legit Huh...So since the conclusion of this pregnancy i have actually been able to ride and train a little bit more.That doesnt make sense i know. Since my road season was a bust i have decided to take a chance at Cyclocross or Cx Racing. I seem to have stumbled into the sport by piecing together a bunch of equipment from my garage and my road bike...Its a bit of a frankenbike...I just competed in my second race yestereday. The first race i did was a 30 min SSCX(Single Speed) Race in DeKalb which ended very abruptly after my chain tensioner failed and i ended up eating shit on the only pavement section on the race.Just my luck. Yesterday was a bit better which was stop #3 in the ChiCrossCup in Chicagos Southside at Dan Ryan Woods. This was my first hour long cx race in several years and i was pretty underwhelmed by my performance or lack there of. My little pet theory is that since i had practically no road season and almost 0 race miles the condition of my legs and lungs are wayyyyyyyyyy behind those of my fellow cx mates in my race. I am really going to focus and dedicate the rest of 2011 to cx and start fresh on the road in '12. I know that i probably have a snowballs chance in hell of cracking the top 10 of a cx race this year but im going to try as hard as possible. Next year after what will hopefully be a long and hard road season im going to really try my hand at cx again. So please stay tuned for what i initially promised...Race Reports....Thanks for stopping by...

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

The Things Nobody Likes to Discuss

On Monday during the 3rd stage of the Giro d'Italia there was an accident involving a 26 year old pro cyclist named Wouter Weylandt. From what I have read the reports say that on a descent of a climb he turned around to guage the distance to the riders behind him and an unfortunate turn of events occurred which finally led to his death. This is a very rare occurence in professional cycling but less rare in bicycle racing altogether. When a death related to bike racing occurs it isn't very likely the riders fault. Most stories i have heard are related to drivers hitting riders or going onto a course or road in which they were not permitted to be on. The problem is that it is not 100% preventable though. Accidents do happen and people (riders & non-riders alike) make mistakes. I read an column this morning after going out to take a dog that i care for on a walk. It was written by Jonathan Vaughters retelling an event in which a rider under his care was struck by a vehicle during a time trial in the Tour de Georgia years ago. The rider beforehand was a young, spunky, self confident cyclist ready to take on the world, fearing no man in his way. After the accident in the hospital after he regained consciousness for a short time he scribbled on some paper with his bloody finger to Jonathan "When can I ride again?". In that crash he was struck by a car that had went on course just after his police escort had passed and didnt care to look if anything was coming after that. On that day he punctured both lungs and fractured over a dozen bones.

Jonathan wrote in his story that "Seeing someone so hurt isn’t something pro cyclists like. They have to pretend that risk doesn’t exist. Being reminded of it only deflates their sense of invincibility. And without being invincible, in your mind, you will never succeed in professional cycling." As a competitive cyclist we dont like to hear about crashes or injuries and least of all the death of a fellow rider. At the end of the day no matter how much we want to win the race and sacrifice our bodies to accomplish victory when we cross the finish line we are all friends. I would even go as far to say we are like family. It is a condition that I feel that is lacking in most professional arenas.

After telling my wife about this she replied with "And you still want our kids to race bikes?" Without a second to think I immediately replied "Of course I do, Its still way safer than high school football." To which she came back with "People don't die in football." I dont have the statistics to back up my argument that cycling is safer than football, I know it to be true though. I have seen a number of stories about kids recieving numerous injuries that will affect them for the rest of their lives such and blown out knees and shoulders leading all the way up to paralyzation and death. Im not going to argue. Im going to go ride my bike and enjoy every second of it knowing that im lucky to be here today and getting to do what i love. Rest In Peace Wouter Weylandt 1984-2011.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Planning For The Future

With a baby on the way I need to prioritize a little bit more and set some things I want to do on the back burner. For one, I know I'm not going to be able to race every weekend next year from April to September. If I can get 2 or 3 weekends a month I'll be really happy. I already know some time is going to need to be set aside for the kid. Pictures, playdates, doctor visits and all that good stuff that is involved with being a parent will take up some of the time. When they're older it will be school stuff, sports games, and a whole myriad of different activities. Also from what I've heard from my cycling friends who have kids, Its going to be harder and harder to leave them when you have to go out and train. They are going to want you to stay at home and play with them. I know it's difficult to say no to a cute kid. I really really really want to do a full CX season next year. I will probably just do the Chi Cross Cup Series I don't have the means or the desire to try and be a badass cx racer. It's a lot of fun and it will be great for keeping me in shape and motivated. I know this year is probably going to be a down year for me with my whole bike crisis and the baby cutting off the tailend of the season for me. I'm alright with it though because it's what I want and have been waiting for a long time. Keeping that in mind I hope I can go into 2012 without any problems. The baby will be 6 months sometime in March and should be an easy child to manage by then. What will the baby's first bike race be...hmm? Hard to say...Maybe we'll take a family trip to the Quad Cities Criterium/The Cage Match on Memorial Day of '12...You know if the world hasn't ended...Crazy indians...If the world doesn't end I have a pretty lofty goal in mind for the '13 season...STARS AND BARS...Masters National Championships...I'll be an old man of 30 that year and there is nothing that I would like more than that jersey. I wonder what the venue is going to be? If it's really really hilly or mountainous even you can count me out of the Road Race there is no way that's happening. Some hills I can do for sure, but mountains no way jose. So if that's the case all my eggs will be in one basket. The Crit. I feel I need to put this goal out there in the open air so people can read about it and perhaps even encourage and push me to attain it. I've always heard that it's best to write your goals down too because it makes them easier to achieve with a constant reminder. Plus it makes you have some accountability so when you dont feel like training its your motivation to go out and get it done. It has never hurt to have someone in your corner telling you that you can do it. The last masters national champ we had in the area I believe is Wayne Simon. He is I believe 50+ but still has one helluva engine. One day this past year he popped me off when we were in a chase group. I couldn't pull through and he looked at me and said something to the effect of "What the fuck, I'm twice your age and I can fucking pull through". It's understandable when the race is on the line and your heart and adrenaline are pumping... Wayne recently started a company "Enzo's Buttonhole Chamois Cream", It is a far superior product to pretty much all the previous stuff I've used before. Plus it has a kickass name. The website is I have a few samples that he gave me so if you see him at a race he may have a few on him so you can ask for one and try it yourself. On the topic of masters racing I really hope Freddy Metz (my dad) hits the racing tarmac a lot more this year. After a stellar end of the season last year I think he has the taste of blood in his mouth again and will do some damage if he makes a comeback tour in 2011. Not to long ago he took a trip down to Masters Nats and did some justice by going Top 10 in the Road Race. A feat in which I hope to better or at least match in a couple years. Well here's to the future, I can't wait to see what it holds. Thanks for stopping by. 

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

Where's Your Head At

Im going to apologize in advance due to this being a long post...I am currently sitting alone in a giant room in a nuclear plant doing a detail that involves looking for smoke and/or fires...Sounds pretty lame right?It is but in a way it's a reward, I've worked my way up to this position from just a general cleaning job which in the nuke field is a glorified term for a janitor.But no more will I clean other peoples messes because I'm more important now. I came into this field by way of my father in law, He is a long-standing veteran of the nuclear field but on the other end of things. He breaks, demolishes and decontaminates old nuke sites. Hopefully after this little stint in this field I can graduate to something even better than my current job as a firewatcher and procure something full time and not just something here or there. We'll see hopefully he can pull some strings for me after I prove myself as competent in this situation. Before I got into this I never really thought of or had learned about how the science of how nuclear power was made. But after a short time I'm actually kind of interested about the many different facets of work that go into it. The other day I even saw a nuclear fuel rod being exchanged in the giant fuel pool. The pool itself is about 60ft deep filled with water (which is an excellent barrier for radiation) and has I would say about 300+ slots in which to put the fuel rods into. Now the rod itself is just a normal run of the mill metallic road I'm guessing 2ft x 2ft x 28ft long.They are placed into the pool using a huge crane that's built into the building. Once in the water is where the magic happens. The rods are then "injected" with a chemical or substance that makes them radioactive and in turn makes them produce energy. When you see the rod in the pool before it gets places into it's slot is one of the most beautiful things I have ever seen. The rod itself glows in the water with one of the deepest blue colors you will ever see. I can only describe it as watching a beautiful sunset but only in blue. Really amazing stuff here. After witnessing this event I was told by my escort that I was very priveledged as to have been able to see what few people ever will. It puts a lot of things into perspective just imagining how powerful that one piece of metal is. If that were to come out of the water it would kill everyone within a pretty large radius. The miracles in science that we create are stiffling to think about. Which leads me onto my next topic...The miracle of wife and I are expecting a baby in late August or early September...The road to being parents for us wasn't a stroll though the park. A few months after we had gotten married we found out that my wife was pregnant it was great news because it was exactly what we wanted. Unfortunately several weeks later it was not to be and we lost the baby. The weeks and months following were probably the most emotionally difficult time I've had to endure in my life and while it was a loss for both of us, I'm sure my pain was nothing in comparison to what my wife went through. So now, a few years after losing the first one we are on our way to having a baby again. At 21 weeks we are much farther along than before and feel almost in the clear. But I still cannot help but think about the life that we lost. I think about it probably every day. I try not to dwell on it too much but I feel it would be harsh of me to just put it behind me and forget it all. When we found out years ago that we were expecting we did what a lot of parents do, we bought some baby stuff, most noteably of which was a baby book. Prior to the miscarriage we each wrote notes to the baby telling them about their parents (us) how we met, how we fell in love, how excited we were for them to arrive, and how much we loved them already. This book at the end also became a place to say our goodbyes and our final I love you's. We wrote letters to our unborn child about the indescribable pain we each felt when we learned of their fate. We put in poems and songs also trying to describe our feelings, all in an effort to try and deal with the biggest loss we both had ever experienced. I look at the book from time to time and remember the feelings all over again. It hurts everytime I do it but I wouldn't give up that pain for any amount of money in the world. You can't put a price on a human life, unborn or alive. I've never really written any of this down or shared this with anyone until now. I have finally felt that this was an appropriate time and place to share this. I don't expect a lot of people to read this or to even understand it. It's just something I needed to do. I'm sure that someday we will show our new child the book of the memories we have of the brother or sister that we all never knew. I hope they never forget either, and they learn to value life because we all take it for granted so much. I don't understand how people go through life killing themselves on purpose by doing drugs, smoking cigarettes, and not staying healthy. I can say with a clear conscience that I have never done any of those things that would harm my body. I want to live forever, as silly as that sounds...In the end I just hope that I was a good parent and instilled all the proper things that my kids will pass on to their children...Now onto the bike side of things...My friend Joel and his friend Calvin decided to make a trip up to the Chicagoland area from St Louis to go to...IKEA...With them Joel also brought with him what has to be the best gift I ever received...An Orbea Orca and Zipp 404's along with an older 7800 Dura Ace group from Joel's teammate Patrick. The bike and the wheels are on loan out to me and I am purchasing the group a few dollars at a time. But I am still in shock over the fact that there are still some food people in the world who are unselfish and are willing to help out a fellow human being...I don't know if I'll ever be able to thank Joel enough, all I can do is honor his request and go out there and race. Hopefully I'll cause some trouble and maybe even get a win or a podium in there. One thing is for sure though I couldn't have done any of it without Joel and Patricks help. My coach tells me that we are kind of behind the eight ball right now in terms of training and just a little behind on the racing. I normally have a few preparation races and then open up shop on Memorial Day Wknd. Probably not this year though. May is going to be a big training month and hopefully in June is when we'll see some action. I hope I can salvage some decent results this year and make up for lost time. I know my season is going to be cut short with the arrival of the baby. So that means no Gateway Cup in STL this Labor Day Wknd. That's okay with me as long as my baby is fine and healthy. I may try to catch a few CX races after it's here and I get the all clear from the wife. I'm sure the lil' person will be attending the races next year and cheering for daddy. I remember some of the first bike races I attended as a kid, cheering on my dad as he flew by on what seemed so fast. The speed is probably the same nowadays but the races and the crowd is a bit different. I see all the masters guys racing now who I used to watch in the big races when I was a child, sometimes they recognize me and sometimes I tell them my name and they get a flashback to when I was just a skinny little blonde headed kid at the bike races living a carefree life. I hope one day my son or daughter falls in love with cycling and makes it their passion. I hope they succeed and go farther then I ever did and make their dad proud. At least I hope that's what they do. I'll try to guide them into it but I won't push them until they're really committed. I'll support whatever it is they choose to do, but I have a feeling that they'll feel the same fire I do inside about bike racing...It's in their blood. In their genetic makeup. Which reminds me, at the last ultrasound appointment the doc did all the measurements to make sure everything was on track without any developmental delays. Come to find out, the baby has over developed and longer than normal femurs already...I'm super pumped...Its like destiny...My kid is going to kick your kids ass on a bike one day...You heard it here first...Thanks 

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

The Euro Cyclist Code of Conduct

1. Image and style shall be your primary concern. When suffering, one must focus first on maintaining a cool, even composure, and second on performance. Winning races is an added talent, and only counts if said euro cyclist wins with appropriate style.
2. Training is based solely on feel, while racing is to be guided by sensations and instinct. The Euro Cyclist will never accept tried or tested scientific training methods.
3. You shall NEVER, under any circumstances, wear plain black spandex bibs (shorts, regardless of colour are BANNED) or any team kit containing non-prominent Logo's. Shorts will extend approximately 2/3rds of the way down the upper leg and will contain a compression band at the bottom distinct in colour. In NO CONDITION shall they extend any further!
4. Legs will be SHAVED year-round. ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTIONS. Certain hair removal creams are endorsed only on a case-by-case basis. One shall never show up to a race (large or small) with ANY AMOUNT of stubble visible on legs.
5. A prominent line where your kit ends and where your tan begins is essential to your image. Artificial tanning is BANNED. The tan SHALL reflect the level of training commitment.
6. The Socks must extend no less than 2cm below the main bulge of your calf muscle, and shall never extend further than 1cm past the primary calf muscle bulge. All socks SHALL BE WHITE in colour with prominent logo placement.
7. Cycling shoes must contain at least 80% white! The following exceptions apply… i) Colours combinations such as world cup stripes, or Olympic gold where title has been EARNED. ii) Shoes which are custom-made for specific riders by companies endorsed by this group. These shoes will be accessible to the particular cyclist only, and shall follow the preceding rules.
8. If white cycling shoes are not available where you reside, white booties with prominent logos shall always be worn. When booties are worn, socks should protrude approximately 7 centimetres above the ankle, and shall always protrude at least 1.5cm from any booties worn.
9. Your bike frame must contain 2-4 colours IN ADDITION TO WHITE. All colours are acceptable as long as they combine tastefully. In addition to this, wheel selection must also match frame and fork.
10. You shall race only on Bora’s or Lightweights. Fulcrum Racing One, Corima Aero+ or Zipp (404’s or 202’s) wheelsets are considered stylish enough to be used as training wheels ONLY. Regardless, Ceramic bearings shall be used at all times on both training and race bikes.
11. ALL wheels shall be equipped with tubulars, regardless of your ability in gluing them.
12. Ridiculously stylish eyewear (see endorsed products list) is to be worn at all time without exception. Glasses are to be worn over helmet straps at all times.
13. Hair shall be kept neatly short, and matching helmet shall be worn (again with prominent logo placement). Under NO CIRCUMSTANCES shall a clashing helmet colour be worn with your euro kit. Helmets are not to be worn when venturing indoors at any time. It is, however, acceptable to wear your helmet while outdoors on a patio. (see rule 34)
14. In RARE cases, it has been deemed acceptable to have long hair. In this event, hair shall be neatly slicked back in maximum euro-styling, and helmet SHALL NOT be worn. It is IMPERATIVE rule 12 is followed in these special cases.
15. When riding, sans helmet (with short hair), a team issue cycling cap (white in colour), shall be worn. The bill shall remain in the downward position at all times. Cycling cap can be worn forwards or backwards to coincide with specifics of current hairstyle. During spring training, cycling toques shall be worn at all time in place of caps.
16. Kits will always be freshly washed, and one shall ALWAYS have applied a subtle quantity of eau de toilette (cologne). It is, AT ALL TIMES, FORBIDDEN to ride in an unwashed kit, as it is extremely detrimental to your image.
17. Saddles shall be white in colour only and will be manufactured in Italy or France. Exceptions shall be made in the following cases… i) Saddles containing WorldCup Stripes or Olympic Gold when EARNED ii) Italian Flag colour combo when rider is ITALIAN (born in Italy)
18. Handlebar tape is required to be cork as well as being WHITE IN COLOUR. Bar tape will be kept in pristine white condition. This state shall be achieved either through daily cleansing or frequent replacement. These jobs will NEVER be performed by the cyclist as you must maintain your image.
19. All stems must be a minimum of 120mm and a rise of no higher than -10 degrees. Stems shall be positioned no more than 0.5cm above the top of the headtube. ALL stems shall ALWAYS be oversized, made out of ALUMINUM, and airbrushed in kit/frame colours.
20. A rider will ALWAYS have liniment applied to his legs before appearing in public.
21. Facial hair will be restricted to (at maximum) a goatee, and even this is discouraged. Moustaches, beards, or any combination thereof are EXPRESSLY PROHIBITED in all instances. Stubble is, however, advisable in virtually ALL euro-situations. It is important to note: this DOES NOT apply to the legs!
22. Campagnolo shall be THE ONLY acceptable componentry and is hereby deemed superior to ANY Shimano product in ALL circumstances. You are expected to have nothing less than an ENTIRE campy grouppo. Crank substitutions are NOT permitted. There is a case by case exception for SRAM RED.
23. You shall NEVER, under any circumstances, acknowledge the presence of a cyclist riding a bike costing less than €2000 in a public place. This could be severely detrimental to your image.
24. You shall NEVER, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCE, associate with triathletes. It is FORBIDDEN to have any number inked onto your body before a race.
25. Any physical activity, other than cycling, is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. This includes any form of running or swimming and their derivatives (this includes walking). The ONLY TWO other sports with a recognized degree of euro are Cross Country skiing, and long track speed skating.
26. MTB gloves are FORBIDDEN in all instances. Cycling gloves will be slick, white (in accordance with kit), and have minimal padding. Padding will be beige or white in colour. Wearing NO GLOVES is entirely acceptable and encouraged. In the case where said euro cyclist is wearing a leader’s jersey, special gloves will be made to match the colour of the jersey while blending the team kit colours simultaneously.
 27. In a circumstance where any cyclist (or triathlete) ever displays aggression or disrespect towards you, you are required to ride up uncomfortably close and slap them in the face with your team issue gloves.
28. In the event a motorist disturbs your ride, you shall proceed to ride up beside the car, form a clenched fist and bang the boot of the car while doing your best attempt to sound irritated in Italian. Wild arm/head movements are strongly encouraged to enhance the apparent rage.
29. you shall NEVER rearrange your package while riding. Adjustments regarding seating/hanging comfort are to be done in private in order to preserve image.
30. ABSOLUTELY NO FORM of seatbag, frame pump, mud guard or mirror shall come within 2 meters of your bike.
31. Gearing is restricted to a titanium Campy Record 11-23 cassette with a ABSOLUTE MINIMUM of 42-53 up front. You shall never be seen pedaling at a cadence over 90rpm in case it detracts from your calm/smooth factor. The use of 25t cog is acceptable in special training circumstances.
32. ALL BIKES shall feature personalized nameplates next to your home country’s flag located on the top-tube within 10 cm seat-tube ON ONE SIDE ONLY.
33. Pedals MUST be either Look or Time. No other pedals are to be considered. (as always, ANY form of Shimano product is STRICTLY FORBIDDEN).
34. Coffee is a necessity and as such must be consumed strong (ie. espresso) on a patio in Italy in full kit, it shall be drunk black. Sugar is STRONGLY FROWNED UPON. The only milk present shall appear frothed on top (if at all).
35. All podium shots (pictures) shall be taken while wearing your team kit and appropriately matching casual euro shoes (such as puma's). Socks shall remain within the guidelines above. You are expected to display an appropriate degree of bulge while receiving kisses/trophy.
36. All pre and post-race activity will be conducted under a gazebo (this includes massage, interviews, and looking fantastic) leaving you in reasonable distance of the Euro-sun to top up your enviable tanlines or pose for photo’s.
37. Post-race, you shall be tied to your mobile phone, receiving endless calls from your attractive euro-girlfriend or important ad executives concerning modeling contracts. This will be done under the protection of the post race gazebo.
38. Team bikes will be built up so that they violate the UCI weight limit, in order that weights might be attached to the frame to demonstrate its superiority and lightness.
39. Motivational music during training shall consist of late 90s house or deep-trance hard-style German techno hereby known as 'euro beats'. NO EXCEPTIONS.
40. Naked black ALL CARBON water bottle cages (manufactured by ELITE CAGES) will be used on ALL BIKES. Exceptions include…. i) Special edition 24k gold cages are acceptable in certain cases such as photo shoots, prologues or where colour coordination dictates. Ex. Gold Cage with Olympic Gold/white team kit.
41. Water Bottles shall be referred to solely as "Bidon's" and shall have a volume NOT EXCEEDING 500ml. Bidon's will always be matching of team/kit colours. It is NOT ACCEPTABLE in ANY CIRCUMSTANCE to leave bidon's on bike more than 10 minutes post ride OR while transporting bikes via bike rack.
42. A gold pendant on a very long, thin chain bearing some form of religious icon is STRONGLY recommended for mountain races.
43. While soloing in for a victory, you will ensure your jersey is FULLY ZIPPED and ALLIGNED, so all title sponsors are clearly visible. You shall then smile and flex your arms while pointing skywards. The projection of ones fatigue is EXPLICITLY FORBIDDEN IN ALL CIRCUMSTANCES.
44. When appearing in a photo spread for sponsor’s products, you have the option of appearing fully nude, in your team kit, or in full Brioni 3 piece suits (nothing else). Smiling is prohibited in these instances.
45. When appearing in documentaries, you must be seen walking around the hotel in your kit at all times. It is also recommended that you constantly be eating something in front of the cameras.
46. When asked "how are you?" while riding you must proceed with one of the following... -Complain about coming off a sickness. - Explain you're peaking for bigger races later in the season - Mention that this is a "recovery ride" -That you are on the tail end of your daily 6 hour training ride
47. If you feel the urge to relieve yourself during a race, you shall gracefully meander to the back of the pack, seat yourself sideways on his saddle, and pee into the sunflowers. It is your duty to ensure that no camera crew catches the act, for it could be detrimental to your image. Under no circumstances shall you dismount from his bike to urinate.
48. When climbing anything with a gradient above 20% and lasting over 8 kilometers, you are required to fully unzip your jersey and let it flutter freely in the wind.
49. When dropping out of a race, you shall avoid the embarrassment of entering the official broomwagon and will instead wait for the team vehicle. When asked the reason for dropping out, you shall cite mechanical problems or oncoming sickness as the reason to avoid any bad speculation in relation to your fitness.
50. If in doubt, the euro cyclist shall mention in an interview that his pollen allergies are acting up, and that he’s not sure that he’ll win the Giro this year. In this situation, remember to note that the sensations are otherwise good, and that eventually you’ll win a beautiful stage.
51. Team-building motivational camps will be held annually in the off-season. These are to place team members in as ridiculous a setting as possible. Photos will be widely reproduced to demonstrate team cohesion.
52. During the pre-race medical checks, star riders of each team are STRONGLY ADVISED to play doctor with each other while shirtless. Photos taken must strive to be as HOMOEROTIC AS POSSIBLE.
53. In order to avoid the harsh European winter, you shall: i)flee to the warmer climes of Mallorca/South Africa/Canary Islands/etc. ii)“train the mind, body and soul” with Kreitler brand rollers
54. In the event of a crash, no matter how badly you have injured yourself, you shall proceed to mummify yourself with fishnet gauze. The act of gauzing oneself is looked upon with respect by other Euro Cyclists because it is a statement of commitment and strength of character to continue racing when injured. White Gauze is the norm, but world cup striped gauze and or national colors may be worn on select occasions depending on the rider.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Hey Ghisallo can you throw me a bone?

At this point I'm facing almost certain doom. So I'm throwing out a Hail Mary errr rather a Hail Ghisallo in hopes that somebody up there hears me. I am still optimistic i'll start a race this year though. I do have a good friend going out of his way and lending me a frame and some killer dubs but I am still lacking some major componentry. Hopefully some stuff will fall into place and who knows I may just channel all this frustration and rock it out...I hope so...I can guarantee that if this happens I'll be dancing a jig on the podium...Don't give me 10 secs cuz I'll die trying to get 20 more...I am going to have to take big chances and long shots this yr...Wish me luck...Holla Back... 

Tuesday, February 22, 2011


Dear 2011 Cycling Season, All your hopes and dreams, aspirations and goals will never be realized or attempted.RIP.No bike racing this year.Goodnite 

Monday, February 21, 2011

The Future

As I lay in bed this evening I can't help but to wonder about the things encircling my life and it's current situations.First of all I would like to announce that I am going to be a dad.Crazy I know.I am excited, nervous, anxious, pumped up,and scared all at the same time.I have no clue what kind of dad I will make.All I can do is look back on all of the lessons that I learned and apply all the right ones and hopefully none of the wrong ones in them.There is that word that constantly runs through my mind "them." I would love to know what I am having, and eventually I will but the waiting is the hardest part.Finding out will be the most important news of my life. I am more than confident that if I have a boy that I won't encounter any problems I won't be able to handle or understand. A girl child on the otherhand is like a suckerpunch that you never see.The kind that dazes you for a while and leaves you wondering what the hell happened.I have no clue what kind of waters will await me if that is the case but I will probably be relying on the wife more than not.If "it" is a she I hope she is not a girly girl.That would make me feel better at least...Now onto life...What to do with my life...Currently I make a means by working in the industry that I know and love but I wonder if that is actually enough.I hope it is and I want it to be really bad but nobody knows what the future holds in store.I have to admit that I am scared about this dilemma going forward.I am just going to have to put my head down and plow through any challenges that get in my way....Racing has always been a mainstay and a staple of my life for the last 13+ years which is almost half of my life and now this season may be in jeopardy.I sold my bike this offseason to pay bills and stuff while my wife has been out of work due to the budget problems of the state of Illinois.And now I find myself sans bicycle with only a small glimmer of hope of getting a new one.I may have a chance of getting one but with the way things have been going it will probably fall through leaving me totally fucked and without the only thing I know and that has always been there no matter what.I'm done now...Only because I don't want to dwell on my potential misfortune...Chin Up...I'll know more tomorrow...oh boy can't wait... 

Thursday, February 10, 2011


Buy it, use it, break it, fix it, Trash it, change it, mail - upgrade it, Charge it, point it, zoom it, press it, Snap it, work it, quick - erase it, Write it, cut it, paste it, save it, Load it, check it, quick - rewrite it, Plug it, play it, burn it, rip it, Drag and drop it, zip - unzip it, Lock it, fill it, call it, find it, View it, code it, jam - unlock it, Surf it, scroll it, pause it, click it, Cross it, crack it, switch - update it, Name it, rate it, tune it, print it, Scan it, send it, fax - rename it, Touch it, bring it, Pay it, watch it, Turn it, leave it, start - format it. 

Monday, February 7, 2011

The Dawn Of A New Day

I am happy to report that my blog is finally reaching the eyes of new people.Cyclists for that matter.A gentleman on twitter by the name of @halfwheeling tweeted me out of nowhere today and said that he was glad to have found my blog and liked it.I was sooo thrilled due to the fact that i have barely gotten it off the ground and only have a handful of posts.But such compliments deserve more reading material so here i am.Whats new...I've been playing a lot of scrabble on facebook with fellow cyclists Dave Reed and Mark "Druber" Schwartzendruber, the latter being one of the fastest men over the age of 40 on a TT bike in the country.The former being a badass bike mechanic turned professional pet nanny.Other than that I've slowly but surely been getting back into cycling shape by going to the gym and lifting weights and doing some lite running on the treadmill.This weekend i may even dabble in a bit of XC Skiing with my cycling coach.All in an attempt to realize my potential on the bike this year.I am calling myself out in this regard.I am a Cat.1 cyclist which is no small feat seeing as how there are only like 200-300 of us in the country.But i rest on my natural talent and don't really try as hard as i should or could for that matter.Ask me why...I just don't know, but i do intend to give it a go this year and maybe shock some folks and even myself in the process.I'm gonna keep my head down and let the rest work itself out.The first race is probably gonna be in April or late March,all of that depends on how fit i am and if i wanna road race or crit race.Either way in the beginning of March I wanna do a killer 18+ hr training week so I can get my body used to big miles and give it time to recover for the local spring classics.I really want do well at the Leland Kermesse.That has my name all over it and I should of rocked the house last year had it not been for some dumbass flying into a gravel corner and breaking my spokes.The past is the past though.Lets get it on...