Monday, February 21, 2011

The Future

As I lay in bed this evening I can't help but to wonder about the things encircling my life and it's current situations.First of all I would like to announce that I am going to be a dad.Crazy I know.I am excited, nervous, anxious, pumped up,and scared all at the same time.I have no clue what kind of dad I will make.All I can do is look back on all of the lessons that I learned and apply all the right ones and hopefully none of the wrong ones in them.There is that word that constantly runs through my mind "them." I would love to know what I am having, and eventually I will but the waiting is the hardest part.Finding out will be the most important news of my life. I am more than confident that if I have a boy that I won't encounter any problems I won't be able to handle or understand. A girl child on the otherhand is like a suckerpunch that you never see.The kind that dazes you for a while and leaves you wondering what the hell happened.I have no clue what kind of waters will await me if that is the case but I will probably be relying on the wife more than not.If "it" is a she I hope she is not a girly girl.That would make me feel better at least...Now onto life...What to do with my life...Currently I make a means by working in the industry that I know and love but I wonder if that is actually enough.I hope it is and I want it to be really bad but nobody knows what the future holds in store.I have to admit that I am scared about this dilemma going forward.I am just going to have to put my head down and plow through any challenges that get in my way....Racing has always been a mainstay and a staple of my life for the last 13+ years which is almost half of my life and now this season may be in jeopardy.I sold my bike this offseason to pay bills and stuff while my wife has been out of work due to the budget problems of the state of Illinois.And now I find myself sans bicycle with only a small glimmer of hope of getting a new one.I may have a chance of getting one but with the way things have been going it will probably fall through leaving me totally fucked and without the only thing I know and that has always been there no matter what.I'm done now...Only because I don't want to dwell on my potential misfortune...Chin Up...I'll know more tomorrow...oh boy can't wait... 

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